Unforeseen Chaos During a Work Trip

Three weeks of skibidi madness ensued while I was in Germany, leaving my wife to her own devices. She thought she could handle it, but all she made was ‘Crumbzilla,’ a rock-hard bread grenade that put a dent in our counter. Then, she went raw vegan, ordering 19 pounds of moldy produce and living on juice until she mistook the laundry for the fridge. Bathrobe chic became her daily look, complete with soup stains. When I returned to a house smelling of fermented regret, I found her convinced she was turning into kombucha. The dog moved out. I needed coffee and therapy, lowkey.